Before You Buy an Engagement Ring: 7 Things the Industry Keeps Quiet

A couple sat down in our Williamsburg studio last month. She had 23 browser tabs open on her phone. He looked like he had not slept. "We have been researching for three weeks," she said, "and we know less now than when we started." I closed her phone, set two stones on a velvet tray, and walked them to the window. Forty-five minutes later, they had their ring. Not because I am a genius. Because I told them the seven things you are about to read.

Quick answer: The engagement ring industry is built to make you feel uncertain, rushed, and overspent. Here are the 7 truths that change everything: the "three months salary" rule is a 1938 advertising campaign, cut matters more than carat, store lighting is engineered to mislead you, lab-grown diamonds are real diamonds (the FTC says so), 77% of women are already involved in choosing their ring, you are likely overpaying by 2x or more, and the "perfect" ring is the one that feels right to you.

I am Sue Kim, founder of Haejin Jewelry in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I have spent years sitting across from couples in our studio, watching the relief on their faces when someone finally gives them honest answers. This is that conversation, written down. Send it to whoever needs to read it.

1. The "Three Months Salary" Rule Is a Marketing Campaign

In 1938, De Beers hired the advertising agency N.W. Ayer to convince Americans that diamonds were essential to engagements. The agency invented the "two months salary" guideline. By the 1980s, it had inflated to three months. There was no tradition behind it. There was no cultural history. There was a brief from a mining company trying to sell more inventory.

The data tells a different story. The average engagement ring in the US costs $5,200 as of 2026, according to The Knot's annual study. That number is already down 15% from 2021. And 73% of women surveyed say they would rather have an affordable ring if it means saving for a home, a honeymoon, or a life together.

At Haejin Jewelry, our complete engagement rings start at $1,450. Our most popular rings fall between $2,500 and $5,000. Some of the most stunning rings I have ever designed were under $3,000.

If you want to explore what different budgets look like in practice, our Ring Builder lets you design a complete engagement ring and see the price update in real time. No sales pressure, no "call for pricing."

2. Cut Matters More Than Carat (Most People Get This Backwards)

When most people think about diamonds, they think about size. How many carats. How big it looks on the hand. The jewelry industry reinforces this because larger stones carry higher margins.

But the single most important factor in how a diamond looks is its cut. Cut determines how light enters the stone, bounces between facets, and returns to your eye as brilliance and fire. A well-cut 1-carat diamond will look larger, brighter, and more alive than a poorly cut 1.5-carat diamond. Every time.

The grading system was designed for gemologists sorting loose stones on a white tray under controlled light. It was not designed for a ring on your finger at a restaurant. Trust your eyes, not the certificate.

For more on how cut interacts with each shape, read our diamond shapes guide.

3. Jewelry Store Lighting Is Designed to Mislead You

Walk into most jewelry stores and look up. You will see dozens of small, bright halogen or LED spotlights pointed directly at the display cases. This is not an accident. This is an industry-standard lighting setup specifically engineered to make every diamond look equally brilliant, regardless of cut quality, color, or clarity.

Under these lights, a $1,000 diamond and a $10,000 diamond can look nearly identical. That is the point. When everything sparkles the same way, the decision shifts from quality to size and to whatever the salesperson recommends.

Here is what to do: ask to see the diamond in natural light. Walk toward a window. Step outside if you can. A well-cut diamond will still throw fire under a cloudy sky. A poorly cut one will go flat. If a jeweler will not let you near a window, that tells you something.

4. Lab-Grown Diamonds Are Real Diamonds (The FTC Made It Official)

A lab-grown diamond is not a simulant. It is not cubic zirconia. It is not moissanite. It is a diamond. Same carbon crystal structure. Same Mohs 10 hardness. Same refractive index. Same chemical composition, atom for atom.

In 2018, the Federal Trade Commission updated its Jewelry Guides for the first time in decades and removed the word "natural" from its definition of "diamond." A diamond is a diamond, regardless of whether it formed underground over billions of years or in a laboratory over a few weeks.

Today, lab-grown diamonds account for more than half of all engagement diamonds sold in the US. According to a McKinsey study, over 70% of Gen Z and millennial buyers prefer lab-grown over mined. The reasons go beyond price: no mining, no environmental disruption, no conflict supply chains. Every stone we set at Haejin Jewelry is IGI-certified.

The honest caveat: Lab-grown diamonds have lower resale value than mined diamonds. If you are buying a diamond as a financial investment, a mined stone holds value better. But most people are not buying an investment vehicle. They are buying a symbol of their relationship. For that purpose, a lab-grown diamond is identical in every way that matters.

For a deeper look at the economics and science, read our full lab-grown vs. natural diamond breakdown.

5. You Do Not Have to Choose Alone

There is a persistent idea that engagement rings must be a total surprise. That the person proposing should pick the ring alone, guess the style, guess the size, guess the metal, and hope it all works out. This narrative makes for good movie scenes. In practice, it creates unnecessary anxiety for everyone involved.

One in four couples shop for the ring together. This is not a fringe trend. It is the overwhelming norm. Choosing together does not ruin the surprise. The proposal is the surprise: the location, the words, the moment. Knowing you will love what is on your finger does not make the moment less meaningful. It makes it more.

At Haejin Jewelry, most of our clients come in together. Sometimes one person visits first to get a sense of what is possible, then brings their partner for a second visit. Sometimes they design the ring together from the first consultation. Both approaches are equally valid.

If you want to start exploring together, our Ring Builder lets you try shapes, metals, and settings side by side without leaving the couch. Then book a studio visit when you are ready to see stones in person.

6. You Are Probably Overpaying

The traditional jewelry supply chain has four to six layers of markup between the diamond source and your finger. Each layer adds 30-100% margin. By the time a diamond reaches a mall jewelry store, the consumer price is often 4-8x the original cost.

For a detailed look at how ring pricing works, read our honest guide to engagement ring costs in NYC.

7. The "Perfect" Ring Does Not Exist. Yours Does.

Instagram has created an illusion that there is one perfect ring and your job is to find it. The ideal carat weight. The ideal shape. The ideal setting. The algorithm serves you hundreds of options, each one making you feel further from the answer.

Here is the truth that every jeweler knows but few will say: there is no universally perfect ring. There is the ring that suits your hand, your lifestyle, and the story you want to tell. That ring might be a 0.8-carat oval in recycled rose gold. It might be a 2-carat emerald cut in platinum. It might be a sapphire. It might be a vintage-inspired design that references something your grandmother wore.

I have watched hundreds of people try on rings in our studio. The moment of recognition is always the same. Their eyes change. Their hand goes still. They stop comparing. That is the ring.

If you are ready to start, browse our collections: solitaire, halo, three-stone, vintage, hidden halo, toi et moi, or contemporary. Or book a visit to our Williamsburg studio.

Your Ring Shopping Checklist

You now know more than most people who walk into a jewelry store. Save this checklist and bring it with you.

And here is your simple path forward:

1. Set a budget you are comfortable with. Ignore the salary rules. Pick a number that does not create financial stress.
2. Prioritize cut over carat. A well-cut stone will look bigger and brighter than a larger stone with a mediocre cut.
3. See the stone in natural light. If a jeweler will not let you step outside with the diamond, that tells you something.
4. Talk to your partner. Send them this article. Start the conversation. 77% of couples are already doing this.
5. Buy from someone who shows you the price before you ask. Transparency is a minimum standard, not a luxury feature.

If you want to explore on your own first, our Ring Builder is open 24/7. If you want to sit with someone who will answer every question without watching a clock, book a visit to our Williamsburg studio. There is no charge for the consultation. There is no minimum purchase. There is just a good conversation about what matters to you.

Frequently Asked Questions

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About the author

Sue Kim is the founder and designer behind Haejin Jewelry, a woman-owned engagement ring studio in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. She specializes in lab grown diamond engagement rings, custom ring design, and calm, one-on-one consultations with couples from New York and from around the world who visit NYC to create their ring.

Sue writes about love, relationships, and the quiet moments she witnesses in the studio, sharing gentle guidance on Brooklyn engagement rings, ethical fine jewelry, and proposal planning in New York City. Learn more about Sue Kim or explore her essays on Medium.